It’s never long enough…
Really, it’s not. Though pets now live into their teens, most of us would give anything for one more day. And when we acknowledge that our aging pets are nearing their end we experience anticipatory grief. The awareness becomes acute that every day is a gift, and there can be a pain that is mixed with the love felt when we love them. The grief of loss starts before we truly lose them. How do we cope?
- Acknowledge your emotions. Anticipatory grief allows you to emotionally prepare for the loss. Grief comes with many emotions, and you may feel fear, anger, or sadness. Eventually you may come to acceptance of their loss, or you may not.
- Don’t be an island. Ask for help with the caregiving, and talk through what you’re going through emotionally with a trusted friend. Physical and emotional help can allow you to be your best self – for you and your loved ones.
- Look into end-of-life options for your pet BEFORE the last day. Speaking with your veterinarian about possible progressions for your pet’s specific concerns can help set your expectations. Would hospice (“pawspice”) care be appropriate for your pet? Is passing quietly in their sleep a reasonable expectation, or will they likely require humane euthanasia? If so, what do you want that to look like? What aftercare options fit your beliefs, and do they require preparations or planning? There are so many beautiful ways to memorialize your pet, and you can take this time to decide what is meaningful to you and your family.
- This is an emotional roller coaster. There will be good days and bad days, but there are some things you can do to make the good days sweeter and also help you hold the good days tighter. My best advice is to make a bucket list and do it. Take the pictures. Watch the movies together. Walks and hikes were my heart dogs favorite bonding time – we prepped for 7 half marathons together. We continued walks until her last day. Though they did shrink to just a few hundred slow meters, she enjoyed the smells and catching her favorite neighbor to beg a treat.
There are no set rules for grief, including anticipatory grief. Cherish these days you have with your pet, and reach out for help from loved ones, or professional help as needed.
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